The Power of Self Advocacy

The world, it seems, is full of agents of change…some of it is from people on the outside looking in…everyone wants to be able to control the world. My favourite agent of change is of course the individual who takes charge of his/her own advocacy.

I wanted to share this encounter an official from a state adult rehabilitation centre told me. This official recently gave a No Objection Certificate to a young man who was hard of hearing, for his driver’s license permit.

A colleague was shocked at this. “This person can’t hear. How can you give him the no objection certificate to get his driver’s license? Did you think it through?” 

The official replied, “My action is not based on sentiment or thoughtlessness—in the first place the young man has residual hearing and he wears a hearing aid. Secondly, he argued his case very well and asked me further questions.

“Have you seen the hearing people drive? Do you notice how they talk on their cell phone while driving…or to their co-passengers? People like me won’t do either of those. Besides, I have been trained to pay attention to my surroundings from the time I was a child. How many hearing people who drive give their full attention to the road, can you tell me? On your drive to work today, how many people did you see who were distracted or who broke traffic rules? How many of them were hard of hearing?

Tell me honestly…what do studies on traffic accidents show? How many of those are caused by people who are hard of hearing? How many are caused by hearing people?”

I looked up all the information I could and there was no data on accidents caused due to hearing loss. The young man obviously had a clear understanding of his abilities and limits. He has the ability and the attitude to follow the rules. I couldn't use non existent data to deny his clearance. So I gave him the certificate. He still has to go through the driving lessons and take the test. That will show if he has mastered the skill or not.”

 The young man certainly had a logical and clear headed argument. There is something to be said for self advocacy:)

Ms. S

Teachers and Tuitions

The Supreme Court verdict gave us another reason to rejoice—teachers can’t take tuition classes.

Did your teachers take tuitions? Mine did. It was rumoured that question papers for term examinations and the mock finals were given to the tuition class. There was no way to verify these allegations, but I do remember that students who used to fail or linger along the ‘just pass’ line started scoring really high marks. And yes, they did go to tuitions with our teachers.

This trend continues till date. School administrations turn a blind eye to this practice because they can continue to pay their teachers very little. Many teachers make more money through their tuition classes than through their regular paycheques.

Take a typical weekday in a child’s life. The kid comes back from school at 3:30 p.m. rests for thirty minutes or so. At 4.00 p.m. he sets off for tuition class with his school teacher. There maybe exceptions where the class teacher is not the tuition teachers but as I said, those are exceptions. The student will spend another three hours there—with many of his classmates. The same distractions are present and there is no guarantee that there is any actual teaching or comprehension is involved. Some students do benefit from the repetition. But how much attention can a teacher give the tired and distracted kids who haven’t understood the concept to begin with?

Parents do get worried about the poor teaching during school hours. They are also afraid that if they don’t send their child to his teacher for extra tuitions, he will be punished in class.

I don’t know about you reader, but I am thrilled. Let us hope this aspect of the law is actually implemented. It will be difficult for some parents yes, but this cycle needs to be broken.

Ms. S

RTE: Government vs Private Schools Part 2

Sometime back I read an article reviewing the educational system in the US. There were quotes from administrators,parents, educational consultants and college professors. One quote really annoyed me. I don’t recall the exact words but it was something to the tune of, “If our education system focuses on teaching to the test and our students are not allowed to explore as they learn then they will be fit for jobs which don’t require thinking and creating. Those kinds of jobs are already being exported to countries like India where they follow that system of education. Is that what we want for our children?” 

As I said, I was very annoyed at first. But on reflection, I realized I was annoyed because there was a grain of truth to her comment. Our education is so focused on teaching to a test, our language instruction is a hit and miss process, we focus on handwriting but not on original writing.

It is true that we are very hard working because we know that education is a means to an end. That is why parents from all strata work so hard to give their children what they consider to be the best education.

I met a family from one of the consular missions in our country sometime back. They had been posted to India after a stint in another developing country. They had a fascinating observation to make. “In the country where we lived (before our move to India), our children’s classmates paid their servants to do their homework. They didn’t have to work at anything because their background guaranteed that they would be handed positions of importance when they were older. We had to make time to sit with our children to make sure that they developed the habit of completing their homework and to prepare for assignments. Then we moved to India.

After the second week of school, my son came home and said, “I have to study! The kids in my class are smart…they know everything. I don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t participate because I didn’t study.” We are very happy with the way both our children take ownership of their education now.”

That’s right…in India being smart is not something to be ashamed of…at least not for the most part. Hard work is appreciated by teachers, parents and peers. We adults need to work harder to find what is best for all our children. Our children deserve to be innovators and creators. It is our responsibility to provide those opportunities for them.

Random NGOs groups doing work in bits and pieces will not bring about the necessary change. All these organizations can't set aside money to get trained in evidence based practices. Besides, if they started their own research practice, it would be such a waste of time. Why reinvent the wheel? Instead, the educational department needs to co-ordinate these services. The government schools should be responsible for the education of the majority.  Towards this end, the same body needs to evaluate and restructure teacher education. Lastly, the government needs to monitor how and what kind of education is provided in private schools—run for profit or as charities. 

Ms. S

RTE: Government vs Private Schools

The next question that comes up is the role of the government in providing education. Sometime back I was talking to an officer from an NGO that works in the field of education. He contended that we should give up on the government’s role in education and concentrate on private schools instead. “This is happening in other countries as well. How many of us went to government schools. We all went to private schools. We should give the children a private school education."

I couldn’t disagree more. The reason education is in the state it is in is because we were indifferent to the role of the government.  We are responsible for what has happened to education—lack of access for the poor and the lack of adaptability or independent, creative teaching to meet all our children’s needs.

In the last two years I was involved in a project—a start up for educating children in one of the most poverty stricken populations in our country. What stunned the sponsor was the concept that schools are owned by private individuals or families…and that you can make a profit on the running of a school. What created this movement of education as a business? Our indifference and our greed! No outside hand brought this on us.

As the project progresses we found out that private school boards can do anything they please. There are so many ways to deny accountability…almost all of them ending with the reasoning “This is how we do things in India!”  No, there is no reason to accept the status quo and keep doing things the way we do.

Several government schools were closed in this area because the teacher had to be elsewhere—to run errands, to socialise or because he/she didn’t want to go to work that day.  In other schools the teacher waited but no students turned up…because the parents thought it was a waste of time. Naturally there were multiple “English Medium private Schools” on every other street. Never mind that none of the teachers could speak English, or the fact that the kids couldn't answer simple questions in English. Oh, the children were very eager to learn and to show us all that they knew. They enrolled in the ‘Private English Medium Schools’ paying an exorbitant fee because their parents saved money—by eating one meal a day, by forgoing basic necessities or by borrowing heavily. These parents (like their urban counterparts) know that education is the way to better their socio economic conditions and they are willing to forgo anything to give their children a better life.

Most of argue that this is only a problem in the rural areas of our country and that the education that the urban, rich get is on par with the best schools around the world. I disagree. There is a difference in services available based on the buying power everywhere. A four year old who goes to an exclusive private school in India can write beautifully—in complete sentences, with perfect punctuation and in cursive. Often this child struggles with making a prediction when being read to. She can’t frame a sentence with complex descriptions which are not already in the text book or story book. Her perfect spelling is thanks to repeated drills rather than through the use of invented spelling which will eventually lead to an understanding of decoding rules.

Private schools are not the solution, as the NGO officer declared. They too are beset with poor educational practices. Why? Lack of supervision by the government body is undoubtedly the cause.

to be continued...

Ms. S

Aaaaah the Supreme Court Verdict on the RTE

On the one hand I am happy with the outcome…though I don’t see why any institution (minority, unaided) should be exempt from the requirement.

So, private schools have been conducting classes for the ‘poor’ after the regular sessions. That is just amazing!!! The reason given is that these children will be at varying levels of academics. Pardon me for doing the teenage thing…Duh! 

This argument assumes that the current student population in a classroom is homogenous in ability and performance. In reality any classroom has students with a range of abilities. In a system which allows for flexibility and creativity the students will excel in some areas and struggle in others. Well trained teachers will know how to adapt and modify without panicking. They will not be afraid to admit that they are unable to reach a child and ask for help.

Our system with a prescribed syllabus doesn’t allow for any deviation or creativity—so all students produce the same output. That doesn’t mean that they are all at the same level. It just means they are all trained to follow the lead sheep.  In this system, teachers can foist the children who deviate from the straight line of expectancy on others. They do not understand or recognize the need to adapt their strategies. Nor are they required to. It is hard to blame it all on a lack of interest or ability. The intense pressure to finish the portions doesn’t give them time to deviate from the well worn path.

Now, teachers and administrators will have to deal with these differences. They will have to understand the student’s needs and adapt the materials, assessments and develop problem solving skills themselves. They can’t foist the ‘poor problem children’ on a specialist. What will the outcome be? Yes some teachers will complain but many others will increase their skills to benefit all the students—the well to do and the poor. They will be forced to recognize that the so called well to do group isn’t homogenous in it’s learning ability either.

Another point made by the spokesman for private schools is that children are not politically correct at that age. Does he think that adults are? How many teachers do we know who treat their students fairly, irrespective of caste, creed, and economic status? This is not just about the expensive private schools alone. People of every religion, caste, region, language discriminate one another in our society. School teachers are no exception.

So what’s going to happen here? Adults are going to be forced to deal with their shortcomings. They will have to learn good classroom management—beyond enforcing obedience to the teacher. They will have to teach the children to look at each other as human beings rather than as ‘haves’ and ‘have nots.’ They are going to have to foster empathy skills for all students—not pity or self righteousness.

Separate but Equal is not Equality. You can’t have separate classes for poor children with the intention of bringing their levels on par with the rest. Instead put them in with the same classes and have after school programs which are more creative (no drills) in bridging the gap.

The world is made of all kinds of people. There is no guarantee that our present economic, educational or religious convictions will keep us in the same place ten years from now. It is not a bad idea for children to sit with their maid’s son or daughter in class. This is not a benevolence bestowed on the poor—it is the right thing to do.

To be continued...

Ms. S

Parenting and Introspection

"Who do you like the most in our class?” one four year old asked me.

“Actually I like all of you. It is hard to choose,” I replied.

“Really? You mean you like X? But he doesn’t always listen to you. And you still like him?” pat came the question. 

X was a little boy who had difficulties following directions and sometimes teased others. We were careful not to be too obvious in our redirections because he did rub some children the wrong way. Obviously we had to monitor ourselves even more. We didn’t want the other students to pick up on our interventions as “Oh he is in trouble.” 

I had to explain further. “You see, I like different things in each of you…A is always kind to others, B makes everyone laugh with her jokes, K has very special ideas—they are very different from everyone else’s, X is very independent—he is not afraid to try again even when he makes mistakes...anyway, it is hard to be four year old and listen to your teacher all the time, isn’t it?” I asked.  

I knew that this four year old was not going to be satisfied with “I like all children because they are sweet” kind of answer. She was watching me to see if what I said made sense to her. After a minute she nodded her acceptance and ran back to her friends.

As young as they are, children pick up on the dynamics in the classroom or at home. They want to know if the adult is fair—not to them alone but to their peers as well. This helps them accept boundaries and develop good self esteem. It teaches them to be fair to others.

The child’s quest for fairness begins at home. Parents are the primary adults in a child’s life—they must nurture the child’s trust by their actions and words. In parenting, just as in teaching, being equal does not mean the doing the same thing for each child. It is inevitable that siblings will have different strengths and weaknesses. There maybe different emotions associated with each child’s birth or milestones.

It is important to be introspective of our own likes and dislikes, circumstances and our behavior patterns. Parenting comes with authority. But it is not only about authority. Too often parents forget to question themselves or analyze their reactions and responses.

As a society we are beginning to acknowledge that physical abuse (whether sexual or not) is harmful to children. But we continue to ignore the impact of mental abuse and neglect, especially when it concerns parents. Children who are subjects of comparison, derision and neglect by their parents grow up to be adults who lack self esteem. Afraid to take risks, they continue with the known even when they are deeply unhappy. Others may grow resentful and angry.

Parenting is about making mistakes and learning. Yes, circumstances can pull at us so much that we forget about our children momentarily. Good parents understand that they make mistakes and question themselves. They accept their limitations and try to rectify their mistakes in some form or the other. That is why most of us look back and say, “That’s ok. They tried their best.” We accept them and love them as they are.

Consider this—what if there is no introspection? What if the parent can’t and won’t put themselves in the child’s shoes? What is more important—the role or the manner in which it is fulfilled? Whose needs take precedence—the child's or the adult's?

Ms. S

The Ideal versus Reality in Parenting

I'll start with the ideal. A few days ago I was chatting with Lakshmi, the maid who works at my parents’ place. Lakshmi and my mother share a very special relationship. She is my mother’s best friend and cares for both my parents when we are away. Lakshmi is a very clear headed and strong woman with a good sense of self worth. Any extra regard/formality she shows is for my parents’ age and not their social or economic status. My mother appreciates her honesty, integrity and the courage to face life on her own.

Widowed at a very young age when her second child was just a toddler, Lakshmi tried her best to give them an education on her wages. Both her children married the person they fell in love with—with her whole hearted blessings. Whenever I hear about the drama created in other families for the sake of caste and prestige, I always think of this woman and her clarity of thought and action:) When her children made mistakes, she pulled them up all the time moderating her responses to suit the infraction. As a teenager, her son had some aggression issues and went so far as to hit her. As she described it, “Amma, everyone asked me to call the police…but if I did that do you know what will happen? Every time there is a problem in our area the police will come for him-even if he had nothing to do with it. I will work on him instead.” She treats her daughter in law with respect, gives both children room to make their own decisions and supports them emotionally and financially. But even there she is not a push over. Now both her children work and save but she won’t quit her job. “If I want something I can buy it without being a burden on either of them. Later, when I am too old, they will care for me.”

On that particular day we sat around chatting about her new grandson. "If I hadn’t walked away with my son I would have lost him and the chance to see my grandchild,” she said out of nowhere.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her.
“Amma, when my son was five years old, the family where I worked knew of a boarding school. This was for poor children and I thought it would be a good idea to send my son there. He would have a stable place after school with people to care for him instead of going with me to the houses where I worked. I asked the family to help me with the admission process. My son was accepted and everything was fine for a few months.

After a few months I began to feel apprehensive. Every time I called up I couldn’t talk to my son. They said he was fine but nothing more. So I took a day off from work and went to the school. I couldn’t find my child!

When the office people realized that I was not going to go away, they told me my son had been moved to a different place along with other children. It was another 4 hours ride by bus. So I left the next morning and tried to find the other ‘campus.’ From the town bus stop, I had to wander into the middle of no where. It took me another couple of hours. I walked the last stretch—there was only a mud path. What do I find when I got there? My son is sitting with a bunch of other kids, with teary eyes and dirty clothes! Next I found out that my son’s name had been changed.


The ‘school’ was being run by an elderly man who came to the first campus and asked the children if they wanted to go with him. What does a five year old know? He raised his hand when he saw other children raise theirs. None of the parents knew anything about this.
 
I  had to think quickly—it was obvious they thought I didn't matter because I was only a poor widowed housemaid. I didn't know anyone in that place. I couldn't afford to act rashly if I had to rescue my child. I knew that if I were to question or yell I would have trouble. Instead I told them that "my daughter really misses her brother. I will take him home so they can spend sometime together. I will bring him back after a week." I left all his belongings there so that they wouldn’t be suspicious and walked back with my son. I gave them a false address just to be safe.

Amma, if I had said or done anything differently I wouldn’t have my child now.”

Clarity of thought and action and the will to stand up for yourself and your child is an amazing thing isn't it? I would like to introduce Lakshmi to all those parents who are pulled in many directions. The chaos may not be of your making but your responsibility to your child should come first.


Ms. S

Same Thoughts Different Expression

Have you ever said something, only to hear someone else rephrase your thoughts in a gentler, more beautiful manner? And then you think, why couldn't I have put it that way?

Well, right after I finished my last post I started to catch up onsome work for a client. I took a break and went surfing on the net. I don't know what my search words were or how I landed at the site http://www.kidsatthought.com/. I can't claim authorship for such a beautifully written article but would love to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:)

Here it is... Young Child's Achievements

Ms. S

What is a child to do?

“Watch, it is inside, it is inside,” my niece was playing with her 7 month old. I was puzzled because she must have put the toy inside a box at least ten times...all the while repeating the sentence.



“What are you doing?” I asked her. “I am teaching him the concept. I read from a website that this is how you do it. I want to make sure I teach him everything from a young age,” she replied.


I burst out laughing:)

I love listening to the new parents talk about how they are educating their child…the excitement and the expectations;)  Everyone wants to take the fast track to make their children into geniuses…they have a huge selection of fancy toys and someone to keep them occupied every minute of the day. Their energy paths are filled with multisyllabic words…as soon as they are old enough these kids are sent to coaching classes and their ‘unique potential’ is nurtured. If guests ask after the child—they better be prepared to undergo torture. To be truthful I don’t know who is tortured more-the visiting guest or the child being forced to perform.

What is a child to do?

Fact is, there are plenty of naturally occurring learning opportunities everyday. We don’t have to go out of our way to create any. The most effective learning happens when the child engages in play. That is why play is the work of the child.

Does this play have to be structured and organized every minute of the day?
Structuring every minute of the child’s day doesn’t allow the child to recharge his/her batteries. There is no time to day dream and come up with new ideas. There is no room for reflection and remembrance—of the day’s achievements, conflicts, and resolutions. There is no time to plan for the next day or week. When we over schedule the child’s day we succeed in stifling the child’s creativity.

Does the child need all the fancy toys under the sun?

When we give our child every toy available in the market we deprive them of the opportunity to nurture one of the most important cognitive abilities in a young child—imagination! It is cute to see a child driving round in a child size toy car. But when a child zooms around the house with the cheap plastic lid for a steering wheel he is using his higher order thinking. What would you rather have? The plastic food items are great for the toy collection, but patting a flat clay roti teaches your child so much more—evaluating the use of new materials, fine motor skills, sensory feedback…

Do you need coaching classes to develop the child’s intelligence?

IQ is the child’s potential. Whether the child reaches his full potential has to do with more than coaching classes. It has to do with physical wellbeing, emotional wellbeing, supportive family, good social skills, good conflict resolution skills along with good academic skills. Research shows that reaching one’s potential has more to do with good executive function skills than just the IQ. All of these have to be reinforced through out the day and in all contexts. Your child has to use the skill on the playground and while you are running errands with him.

Some of these are just plain common sense and good parenting instincts. Don’t worry too much about website drills


Click here for more information on executive function skills

Executive Functional Skills in your Home
What your mom knew about executive function skills
Setting Goals
Planning and Organization
Teaching Planning Skills
Teaching Sequencing Skills
Teaching sequencing skills to young children
Time Management
Shifting Attention
Self Monitoring
Self Regulation
Task Completion

Ms. S

How Culture Shapes our Perceptions of Social Skills

“Your grandson is so polite and calm. I see him when he runs errands for you. He doesn’t swagger or disturb others. It is so nice that he has come to live with you…does he work from home?” a neighbour asked me. I replied, “Yes, he is a quiet young man and I am happy he has come to live with us,” the elderly woman said.


In reality, this young man suffered from severe depression. He had come to live with his grandparents after losing his job, and other troubles. At this stage he wasn’t ready for too many demands in terms of routine, expectations. He had a very good relationship with his grandparents and they were able to challenge him gently while supporting him. Because he had moved from another country, he was not familiar with the environment around him—he rarely ventured out for his interactions. Fortunately, interactions happened naturally when friends and relatives came to visit…even if he didn’t like it, he couldn’t be openly rude. In trying to accommodate his elderly relatives, he was forced to deal with his needs without the stigma of his being ‘mentally ill.’ Perhaps he would stand out more in a more structured environment. For now he finds acceptance.

One young man with Asperger’s syndrome moved away to a country in Asia where not making eye contact was socially appropriate. He was not a social butterfly but it was perfectly ok in that society to be quiet. You were not considered a misfit. This young man worked there in a partnership for a few years. A more structured social environment gave him the clarity he needed in the social arens. Now he is happy with who he is and doesn't feel the need to always fit in with a more extroverted culture.

I met another young man with OCD lives with his parents and works as an educational consultant. He doesn’t socialize much or take medication. He is busy with his work and helps around the house. His interactions with the world at large is limited and people in his neighbourhood leave him be. In his society it is perfectly acceptable to live as he does. He interacts with his students and their parents along with extended family. In other societies, he would be considered a ’recluse’—the pressure to open up would be great.

We need to keep in mind that social etiquette can differ…what we see as ‘deficits to be fixed’ need not always be the case.

Ms. S

Normalizing Sexual Abuse

A few months ago I happened to read an interview given by Sunitha Krishnan, the young woman who does such stellar work against human trafficking. It is difficult to comprehend what young women and children have to go through in life. She nailed it when she said that rape, sexual abuse is normalized by our community at large.

Yes these incidents happen in all countries and communities. But it is an undeniable fact that in our society, the victim is still blamed for the injustice…and the perpetrator(s) almost always walk free.

We have started acknowledging that sexual abuse is prevalent in our societies as well…but when do we move to the next step of finding justice for the child? Or the adult victim? When are we going to talk openly about predators so we can protect other children? To get to that step though we must first acknowledge that rape and sexual abuse are not ‘normal.’  We must feel a sense of outrage for the victim and revulsion at the perpetrator.

Even well wishers and close family members advice the victim to ‘forget’ and get on with their lives. Why do we close our eyes and mind to the trauma that the child endures? Is it because it is easy for us not to face facts?

A parent of a child abuse victim gave me her wish list for this post:

• Don’t discuss my child’s experiences like it was a juicy piece of gossip.
• My child is probably the best advocate for other children. So treat him/her with respect.
• You will never truly understand what my child faces or what we as parents go through. So don’t tell us what you would have done differently!
• Recovery is a life long process. There will be ups and downs. Even if you have my child’s welfare at heart, do not tell him/her that bad things happen; and that he/she needs to move on.
• Don’t ask “Why didn’t you say something earlier?” My child was terrified.
• Don’t ask me “How could you not have known?” That question haunts me.
• Be outraged on every child’s behalf. If you know someone who is not safe around children, let other parents know. Your silence makes you responsible for what happens to other children.

Ms. S

Trivializing Mental Health Needs

An elderly visitor to my parent’s home was discussing her sister’s depression. There had been some changes in treatment and they liked the doctor. She felt a sense of confidence in his abilities. He had asked them to “acknowledge your sister’s feelings of sadness and lack of motivation. Please don’t tell her to ‘get over it’ or to look at others.” We talked some more about what the visitor could do in practical terms to help her sister.


Later I got thinking about the doctor’s advice. A very good friend explained how her relationship with her daughter changed for the better. Her daughter gave her a list of responses people give her when she talks about her depression.

• Why? What do you have to be depressed about?
• It is all in your mind…think positive and it will go away.
• Meditate, do yoga.
• Look at the less fortunate and count your blessings.
• These are all small problems…it is not something to get depressed about
• Life is precious…don't waste it
• Don’t be selfish…think of what it does to the others…
• Everybody has problems…you are no exception. Don’t pay attention to your problems.
• Relax…your problems will go away.
• You are over sensitive..you just have to get over it.
• Cheer up…
• Pray...If you believe in God it will go away.

"Here’s what I think, Mom," she told me.

• Do you think I haven’t tried meditation, or to keep myself occupied?
• When I am depressed, I am supposed to think about the feelings of those who aren’t depressed! Isn’t that selfish of them?
• Because my problems are less serious to others, I should not be worried about my problems? Now who is selfish?
• When I feel so low, I feel I am the least fortunate…so I can’t feel better in comparison to others. Besides, I want to feel good about myself because my life feels satisfying—not because someone else is more miserable than me!”

My friend said, “It took me a while to hear what my daughter had to say, because in my blissful ignorance, I too used to spout the “think of others” advice. After some reflection I realized my advice was based on the belief that you can will these feelings away. Culturally we Indians place tremendous importance over controlling our mind. Whether we practice the same is a different matter altogether but we love to talk about centering our mind, learning to control our thoughts, etc.

My daughter gave me another piece of advice which I’ve never forgotten. “When I talk to you, just listen…don’t give me solutions to my problems. Don’t tell me that everything will be all right if I do exactly as you say. I have to find my own solutions. Your job is to listen and help keep me safe if the need arises. I want you to listen…DO NOT ADVICE ME every time I talk to you.”

As the days went by I realized the truth behind her statements. My advice was not to teach her to cope with her depression…but to help me cope with the fact that I couldn’t fix her problem. With the best of intentions I was trivializing her experiences. Now I listen and rephrase my daughter’s own words…because she is trying to sound her thoughts aloud and look for strategies. I ask her if she needs help to develop a routine but don’t thrust it on her.”

Yes, I agree…most of the advice given is very relevant to help someone come out of the ‘doldrums.’ But someone who is clinically depressed has had these symptoms for a long time. There is a metabolic component to it. It is not possible to switch your thought process to start thinking positive. To be able to use these strategies, the person has to be on the path to recovery…therapy brings some people to that stage. For others medication combined with therapy helps. Still others benefit by having a caregiver who contributes time and effort. It is a combined effort and requires tremendous amount of effort and energy from the person with depression.

The next time someone tells you they are depressed, listen. Hold that advice on how to will those feelings away. Most of all don’t be patronizing by making the effort seem so easy. Those of who don’t have depression can empathise but we can never truly understand that person's perspective. ‘I know how you feel’ is really for our benefit.

Ms. S