Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Remember the young man with the dragon tattoo from my ealrier post? Thanks to him I became really interested in Borderline Personality Disorder and DBT. If we hadn't moved around so much I probably would have gone back to school to learn more. Who knows I might do that anyway:)

If you haven't read it already, here's the link to my previous post:
Arun and His Dragon Tattoo: Covering Up the Scars
Here is an article about Marsha Linehan who started the whole process:
DBT

Ms. S

Amazing and Enthusiastic Teachers

I'm back after two weeks...and have a lot to share.  This was a very productive trip because of the teachers I met. Even though I know this already, hearing the same questions from teachers from different socio economic, cultural or regional/national backgrounds helps me stay grounded in the reality of my field:)

The frustrations of dealing with red tape, self serving nature of those who see education as a money making industry were the worst parts of this trip. In my opinion, when we as parents and teachers settle for the 'name' and 'scores', we contribute to this downturn.

True reform can happen only when all of us participate in our democracy and look beyond our small circle. It is not enough for our children to go to an expenive private school...it is also important for the labourer's children to get a sound education. It is not about private school fee hike...it is about Government school reforms. It is not about fancy marks but about hiring teachers who are trained properly and are paid well. It is about saying No to tuitions from your child's teachers. Only when we participate and question how educational reform is conducted can this happen.

In light of all the controversies regarding the syllabus in one state, this is a warning sign for the entire nation. Books cannnot be added to a system because people with powerful friends authored them. Schools have to teach our children to think independently, not serve as propoganda centers. Everytime an administration changes, we can't put the future of our children at risk by random decisions. This entire process should be done by an independent body without any political or religious agenda. This can happen only if everyone participates in a democracy. Otherwise we will be taken for a ride!

I know I started the post with warm feelings and pleasant thoughts...hehe. Will write more on those in the next posts.

Ms. S

Research on Autism...

I'm away gathering information for the pilot project in rural India. I will add personal posts soon but in the mean time here's information on a new study on Autism...

Autism and Prenatal Vitamins

Ms. S

Of course the teacher will hit the kids...

...if they are naughty! What is wrong with that?”

The newspaper article reported on a primary school teacher being held accountable for hitting her students. There were several comments reflecting this ideology on corporal punishment


I was mulling over this when my friend visited me with her two children. She had just moved from a different city and her kids started a new school for the academic year. The daughter refuses to go to school after the first three days. Why? Because the teacher hits the students! The son says he hasn’t got into trouble but other kids in his class get hit on their knuckles with a steel ruler. These kids are in 3rd and 5th standard. My friend and I were trying to get to the bottom of it with her daughter. Turns out she raised her hand and couldn’t wait to answer the question…so the teacher beat her! This happens to be one of those ‘reputable schools’ with parents vying for a seat for their kids.

Last week, one of the kids I work with had the same problem-she didn’t want to go to school because her teacher hit her. When her mother asked her, she said, “But she could have told me in a nice manner and I would have listened. You ask me to treat my younger sister that way. Why doesn’t the teacher have to do that?” I agreed with the little girl. We want our older children to be nice to their younger siblings who don't yet know how to behave or interact. Why not extend those expectations to adults?

                         

Next, the mother of a four year old said that her daughter won’t go to school—the teacher says she doesn’t talk in school and apparently hit her. I don’t know about the four year old, I wouldn’t be terribly motivated to talk to someone who hits me!

This is my pet peeve. Why don’t we realize that one should not hit children, especially other people’s children? Using corporal punishment to discipline kids makes the adult an enforcer…kids raised with such philosophies will break the law when no one is looking. Their only incentive is to avoid punishment. If no one is looking, what are the chances of being punished? These children grow up to be adults who cut corners in their professional and personal lives, endangering others.
If you want to instil discipline in your students, help them understand that the classroom is a community, a community where everyone has rights and responsibilities. Students have the right to physical and emotional safety. Allow kids to make choices, use natural consequences and explain the reasons behind the rules. These will make them think about the rights and wrongs of their actions and correct themselves even when the temptation is great.

Yes, waiting for your turn is an important skill for a third standard student. So model the behaviour by waiting for students to finish talking to you, catch the students waiting for their turn, or cue the students beforehand. Before any activity make your expectations on student participation clear to them—for the first two months of the academic year. Learning behaviours take time to set, especially after a long break.


My friend and I taught her daughter to tell her teacher, “My mom says no one should touch me or enter my personal space. Please don’t hit me, I don’t like it.” We’ll see what happens next.

Ms. S

You think I do this out of selfishness?

How little you understand, for all your fancy words," the 18 year old shouted. "The pain is all consuming, not allowing me to think beyond that mooment. What makes you think I can think of anyone else? Aren't you the selfish one? You want me to think of you and your feelings even when I have no hope for myself!"

The young man was in the aftermath of one of several attempts at suicide and explained his point of view to his family. "His words will always ring in my head," his mother told me later. "If at some point in time, he does die by his own hand, I will try to focus on this thought--that he is free of pain." 

Powerful words which came to my mind when I came across this article...

By My Own Hand

I can't help but admire the author's dignity and strength.

Ms. S

Life's Lessons From Leo Lionni's Frederick

This week has been quite hectic—preparing for two workshops on literacy developmentfor teachers in rural community schools, finalizing travel plans, working on the book illustration and all the while trying to stick to my daily routine of exercise, hanging out with friends.

One of my workshops is on using ‘Read Aloud in the Classroom’ and I spent two days deciding on appropriate books. Since this is for teachers in a very rural community, I spent quite a few hours on the book selection.

My choices were between non fiction books on different ecosystems or communities (so that they could make connections to their own region and community living) or a fictional picture book that was not totally irrelevant (maybe a parable or childhood themes common to children around the world).

Browsing through my list, I settled on Leo Lionni’s books—with animals as characters, the plots in his books touch a cord in all children-wherever and however they live. My favorite is of course Frederick-if there is one book a child must have, in my opinion it is Frederick.

Reading the book brought to my mind a recent conversation with friends. Their daughter was entering plus one in high school and wanted to go into a slightly non competitive branch of engineering. It was a very good field, especially with further specialization but the dad was totally against it. Why? Because it didn’t give immediate returns!

In his mind the undergraduate degree was not in demand; at leats not as much as a few other fields. So she was not going to pursue that field. The mom was on the daughter’s side, pointing out variations in life and the people in their circle who were successful in so many other fields. We will know this year what choice the girl is allowed:)

Another young woman I know started in the IT field and decided that she liked the creative side more…she switched to creative writing and fine arts, much to her father’s chagrin. Seven years later with a fancy specialization she found a very well paying job with a prestigious organization. Her dad said, “Wow, I didn’t know that you could do so many other things with your undergrad degree! I’m glad you went with something you like.”

In these days a growing number of parents decide on their child’s academic route when he/she enters sixth. I hope there are others who will let their ‘Frederick’ be a poet and a dreamer. We need them to bring hope and colour into our lives...


If you would like to watch the video of Frederick on your own, or with your child, here it is...

Frederick by Leo Lionni

Ms. S

From my eyes, again this rain of love may not fall...

Ever cringe when you watch old hindi songs with English subtitles? Guess what? That too is a function of bilingualism:) As the translators are not truly bilingual, they don't change the syntax (word order in sentences), which is very different in English and Hindi. The romantic song turns out to be a comedy number. 

This week has been hectic with all the prep work for the workshops and travel plans. I put some music on to relax as I work...and of course this brought a smile.

If you enjoy the intricacies of language as much as I do...enjoy


Lag Ja Gale

Oh, if you know of other songs with funny translations, do pass on the link(s). I'd like to add to my collection...hehe

Ms. S

Bilingual Children

Do we Indians realize that we are 'sitting on a gift' as the doctor in this article proposes? 

If you've ever had the opportunity to work with young children, you'll know how amazing language acquisition is. Add to this a second language!

By virtue of the complexities of our nation many of us are bi and trilingual.  But do we understand how rich a legacy that is? You have to live in countries where they speak no more than one language to realize that we take this ability and opportunity for granted:)

I never gave conscious thought to this until I answered my sister's call in the teacher's lounge. Like most families which moved around the country we switch constantly between multiple languages. I turned around to speak to my co teacher in English and noticed everyone watching me...and then followed the long explanation—that I was not really speaking in one language but several and the whys and the whats...

Ours was an inclusive school where a speech therapist and a teacher were full time co-teachers working on  cognitive and language skills in the classroom. Half the staff in that room were speech therapists.  An interesting discussion started as quite a few of our kids came from different parts of the world and their parents taught them their mother tongue while they leant English at school. Just like most of my compatriots, I realized the importance of this skill only when someone else brought it to my attention.

Here's the article:
Bilingualism and Brain Function

Here's an interesting tidbit: 
The study on bilingualism and delayed onset of Alzheimer's was actually done on bilingual people who spoke English and Tamil.

There is another aspect to this bilingualism. Looking at the linguistics—the grammar, phonology, syntax, etc there are so many differences between English and our mother tongue. Based on which part of the country the kids come from, you can see syntactical and semantic variations, and hear the acent, intonation and inflexion in speech. This is partly because of how our schools teach English, even if the medium of instruction is English and the school is 'posh.' Many of our schools don't teach English the same way as the schools in English speaking countries. 

In my opinion, accent and the rest make up for the richness of our language experience—even if it is different from the dominant dialect. But then everyone thinks the French accent is soooo 'cute' and ask any German—do you think they care they don't sound American or British?

We do need to work on the linguistic components though—I was in a remedial reading class where the teacher didn't know the right vowel sounds...what were the kids going to learn from her?

In this context, think about our third language requirement in schools—How do you think kids whose mother tongue is Tamil learn Hindi-which is so different in everyway? Or vice versa?

Ms. S

“Schlafst du? In class? Oooooooooooooooooh,”

he exclaimed and both us burst out laughing uncontrollably. The teacher looked annoyed.

Along the way in my travels, I ended up taking a language course with a bunch of people from around the world. My desk mate was a youngster from one of those countries ripped apart by war and hadn’t yet crossed his teens. K was the only one in class who spoke his mother tongue and no other. The rest of us spoke at least two languages-one of which was a romance language. At all times we had some basic reference to how this new language worked. Not so for K. Nevertheless communicating with him was always fun.

The first day he walked in he asked a million and one questions—at least it felt like a million. All through the course he never shied away from speaking, even if he didn’t make some of the sounds in the new language. He raised his hand to participate, even when some others sniggered. He spoke to everyone in class and could laugh at himself. There were others in class who were much better at learning languages but I was sure that K would learn the language faster because he didn’t feel embarrassed to take the risk and speak it.

As a student, this kid fascinated me. His plan was to take all the 8 levels in the language course and then start afresh with English. Why? He said, he had come to this country to go to college and he needed both these languages to study there.

Little by little I learned more about his life. He was one of twelve kids, most of his family was still in the war torn country and there were no prospects for him to go to college there because of the political limitations. His parents and his brothers contributed funds, and so he had to choose the cheapest accommodation and watch his money. He spent freely on his educational resources but stuck to fast food places for food to stay within his daily food allowance. He asked around for deals on other necessities and did his homework everyday. At first he couldn’t afford internet at home, so he religiously went to the library and used the net there, especially to research on the day’s lessons through google translate and other programs. He went to dance clubs with friends even if all he did was jump and didn’t drink alcohol. He was just a cheerful kid with a definite plan.

This kid defied all the stereotypes of his countrymen being warmongers and resisted bettering themselves. One day he said, “You know what? If I study now, when things settle down in my country I will be able to go help put things right. They’ll need people who know how to do other things besides fight.”

How do some kids grow up with this resilience? I wish I could bottle that magic formula...he was certainly a joy to be around.  Everyone in class recognized it and I could see the teacher too enjoyed having him in her class.

Oh, the comment I quoted was on the last day of our class together…I had managed to fall asleep in class:)

Ms. S

Developing Self Awareness

How will our daughter manage when we or if you, her teachers, are not with her when she gets upset? I have a feeling that this is maybe a long term goal for her. We can change our schedule, how we communicate and our expectations from Ananya...but I do want her to lean to find the answers within herself—at some pont in her life," the dad added.

Did I mention at the beginning of the Ananya series that her parents were very well thought of by all the staff in school? This is why! It takes a lot of courage to see that we need to adapt our ways for our children, and stay focused on the job. It needs greater perspective to look ahead to see what the future holds and begin planning well in advance.

As part of this process, we focused on raising Ananya’s self awareness. Understanding ourselves leads to a realistic view of ourselves—our strengths and weaknesses. This in turn allows us to monitor our actions and emotions, and adapt to different situations.

For Ananya it was two fold.
Understanding how her body functioned at a particular moment in time and its effect on her behavior:

• Did you sleep well?
• Are you hungry?
• Are you well rested?
• You don't like how that feels against your skin?
• You feel your body is too busy

Evaluating the strategies she used to resolve social problems:

• What did you do?
• What happened as a result?
• Was it successful?
• What can you do differently the next time?
• What do you think will happen if you try the other way?

Here are two examples to show how this was done:

One morning Ananya’s dad informed the teacher that she had a restless night. Her teacher said, “O.k. We have a lot of fun things to do in class today and I think you will enjoy those activities. I want you to try and stay with the group…but if you become tired, let me know and I will give you a break.” Sometime during the 3rd period, Ananya walked up to her teacher and asked for a break. “I’m glad you used your words to explain how you feel. Would you like to sit by yourself and read a book or would you like to help me set up the materials for the next lesson?”

What happened here?
First there was the preparation—the teacher let Ananya know

• Her(teacher's) expectations about classroom participation.
• That Ananya needs to be aware of how her body feels and
• That Ananya had to tell the adult when she was tired.

When Ananya advocated for herself, the teacher

• Reinforced the fact that she used her words (appropriate behavior)
• Gave her two choices—one away from the group (in case she was too tired) and one where she was still able to participate, albeit in a different way.

One evening Ananya was playing in the park with a friend when another child ran past her. As she started yelling at him, her mom put a hand on her shoulder and asked her what made her cry. Ananya  screamed loudly that the boy ran so close that he might have bumped into her, making her fall. Her mom redirected her, “Oh, sounds like you got startled when he came by so suddenly and so near. You were afraid you'll get hurt as well. What do you think you can do (instead of crying) to let him know how you feel?”
After a brief discussion, Ananya and her mother walked up to the boy and talked to him. Ananya said “You know you scared me when you ran so close to me. I thought you were going to bump into me and that we would both fall and get hurt. Please can you give us some space?” The boy replied, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll make sure I don’t come too close to you and your friend.”

In this situation, Ananya’s mother

• Validated her feelings and
• Helped her identify an alternate and effective way to solve the problem.

This prevented Ananya from going into a meltdown, and allowed her to see the other child didn’t mean to scare her intentionally.

We used many strategies and revised others throughout the year.  I have posted just a few in this series as I wanted to show how many different aspects there are in teaching a child (with or without a disability) to develop coping skills.  There are no one line answers, no magic pills...everything takes time and effort on the part of all concerned adults.  But time and effort put into a child's growth is never wasted:)

Ms. S