My friend’s daughter hid some fruity alcohol drink in her knitting kit. My friend went looking for some yarn and sure enough found the bottles. The young girl said that they belonged to her friends. (My husband called it a rookie mistake—it is such an obvious hiding place according to him).
“I believe her—they probably thought no one would suspect her. But I want her to understand that more than anything else this is a safety issue. She has been ok with the consequences but at the same time I want to be fair to her,” the mom noted as she was trying to decide on what was best for her child.
I remember another friend with her children, four boys. Every chance she got, she talked about the dangers of underage drinking—and always ended the conversation with, “If you are ever with friends and you are all drunk, call me. I will come and get you no matter what time it is or where you are. Do not drink and drive.”
The incidences were few but they always had consequences. “A lot of people think I’m permissive by adding that last bit. You know what? I’d rather have them alive to have the ‘day after’ talk with me than do something foolish from which there is no coming back.”
Parenting is a lot of fun. We start with goals based on our best and worst experiences as children. We build up ideological pyramids about how we will manage everything and how our child will turn out to have everything just as we planned.
When reality sets in the most effective parents make the necessary changes. They still manage to get their two bits in about standards and ethics, and expectations but they understand that they have to look at it from their child’s perspective. This doesn’t mean a lack of consequence but fair and reasonable consequences.
In the end my friend realized her daughter didn’t want to go to the senior prom—she had just joined the school mid way as they had transferred from a different state. The young woman had a tough time breaking into the set groups in her class. Not going to the prom would have only made her even more of a spectator. So her parents worked out a different system and she did go to the prom with a small group of friends.
Ms. S
Blog on fostering mental health in the Indian school system. It explores behavioral symptoms, and provides practical suggestions on strategies and instructional adaptations in the classroom. Topics covered include side effects of medication and their impact in the classoom, advocacy skills and locating therapeutic resources to help the student(s).
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Very real and interesting ! I just survived a no-sleep night because my toddler wanted to get his point across to his parents in their efforts to descipline him.
ReplyDeleteAah..hope your day is calm and restful:)
ReplyDeleteToday's parents have to improvise and lot and be flexible. I like the mother who tells her sons that she will come and pick them up if they are drunk. It is a very wise thing to do. It is not being construed as permissive but judicious. It is like leaving the battle field to come back and fight another day than be a slain warrior.
ReplyDeleteChildren today undergo a huge amount of peer pressure and their issues are getting complex by the day. It is very important for us parents to reach out to them. In most cases, in the end the kids will be all right. :)
Thanks for sharing.
ING, fexibility is exactly what is needed-a lot of parents are stunned briefly by what their children do but change their approach to guide them thru' that difficult period.
ReplyDelete